


Shattered hope

by LadyIrina



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, More PTSD and survivors guilt than you can shake a lightsaber at, PTSD, Rough Sex, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Survivors Guilt, They deserved better, fluffy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 21:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyIrina/pseuds/LadyIrina
Summary: Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor survives against all odds, but they have to live with it. If they can...Cassian is everything Jyn has left now, will she lose him too?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based shamelessly on the movie and the movie alone.  
> But a little research revealed to me that in the SW universe, one week is five days, not seven. The more you know!

They are going to die. Jyn knows it with every fiber of her being and she doesn't fight it. She can see the same acceptance in Cassian's eyes. Their role is over, they achieved what they came to do, and now it's up to the others to carry on the battle. Her father _would_ have been proud of her.  
  
As death rushes towards them, Jyn wraps her arms around Cassian. Once again he proves that he sticks around when things goes bad as she feels his hand move, after a slight hesitance, and anchors itself around her, his fingers slowly digging into her shirt as he clutches her tight.  
  
So this is how they die, she thinks and knows there are much worse ways to go.  
Jyn holds on to Cassian, feels him holding on to her, and finally closes her eyes to be reunited with her parents. When a strong gust of wind hits them, Jyn holds her breath. She saw what happened on Jedha and prepares for the impact.  
  
“Come on!” A voice calls out, urgently. “Hurry! COME ON!”  
  
Jyn's eyes snap open and she is startled to see a rebel ship hovering in front of them and an unknown person standing in the open doorway; ushering them in.  
  
“HURRY!” The rebel screams, desperation in her voice. Desperation and fear.  
  
Jyn reacts, doesn't think, merely jumps to her feet and tries to get Cassian up too. He's more unconscious than not by now and he's heavy. “Help me!”  
  
“Leave him!” The rebel exclaims.  
  
“NO!” Jyn tugs angrily at Cassian's arm, wrapping it behind her neck and using all her might to get him up. “I'm NOT leaving him!”  
  
“Go.” Cassian mumbles, struggling to stand. He gasps with pain as his right leg just won't carry his weight. “Jyn, go. It's okay.”  
  
“No.” Jyn growls. She's lost enough people today. Either they both live, or they both die. She forces him to take a step with her, towards the ship and their one chance at survival. The rebel hesitates before she jumps down and runs over to help. Together they manage to get Cassian over to the vessel and drag him inside.  
The door is just starting to close when the ship takes off in a mad dash for safety.  
The rebel looses her balance and is sent tumbling to the other side of the cargo area, while Jyn curls protectively around Cassian and closes her eyes again.  
  
She hears the rebel screaming, feels the aircraft shudder and shake as death reaches for them and she even senses how the hull heats up. But most of all she registers how Cassian's fingers finds hers and once again they hold on to each other while waiting to die.  
  
They don't die. Not that day.

 

Barely a handful of Alliance vessels makes it out and Jyn's ship is one of them. She has no idea how that is possible, but she knows better than to question the will of the Force after what she's been through.  
  
Heading back to the rebel headquarters, she merely tries to tend to Cassian's wounds and keep him as comfortable as possible. She watches with growing concern how he slips further and further away from her until he doesn't wake up and merely breathes.  
Besides her and Cassian, there are five other souls on board the ship, but the journey is done in silence. On the grand scale, this was a win for the Alliance, but they've all lost someone and the price for their victory feels unbearably high. Jyn won't let herself think about the others. Not yet. There is a scream right behind her teeth, ready to break free if she lets it, but she can't.  
  
Back at the base, Cassian is taken away from her and it takes all of her self control to let them. She knows he's hurt, hurt bad, but a primitive part of her brain warns her that if she lets him out of her sight; she'll never see him again. Just like her parents, like Saw, like all the others. Jyn clenches her hands so tightly that her blunt nails dig into her palms as the medical crew wheels him away on a gurney to where they can try to save his life.  
  
“Are you hurt?” Someone asks her and Jyn merely shakes her head.  
Physically she'll be fine and the wounds that are bleeding inside her; no bacta can help against those.  
  
Jyn is given a room along with orders to stay there until they come for her, they have questions, but she only stays as long as it takes to wash off blood and sweat and change her clothes into a jumpsuit provided to her before she finds her way to the medical wing.  
  
There she waits.  
  
Half a day passes. The medical crew tells her to go and get some rest as there was no way of knowing when she'd be allowed to see Cassian, A couple of soldiers try to order her to a debrief meeting with Draven. Jyn ignores both sides.  
A soldier grabs her arm and tries to force her to move, but after she nearly breaks his jaw; Jyn is left alone.  
  
Yet, amidst all this waiting and this silence; Jyn's mind is completely blank.  
She can't do anything before she knows. She has to know!  
  
And finally, finally, she's allowed in to see him.  
  
Jyn is a little surprised to find him on a hospital bed and not in a tank, but they explain that the battle has given them more patients than tanks and he is wrapped in bacta bandages.  
Cassian appears asleep, some cuts and bruises on his face, a sheet is covering him from the waist down while his bare torso is completely wrapped up in bandages.  
“Is he going to be okay?” Jyn barely recognizes her own voice. She can't take her eyes off him.  
  
It takes a little while before the man who had lead her into the room answers. “We don't know yet. The external injuries is not a problem. Some of the internal bleeding, we can heal that, but the fractures and damage to his back along with the blow to the head... Only time will tell.”  
  
Jyn moves over to sit down on the chair next to the bed where Cassian lies. She hates how pale and still he is.  
She waits.

 

It's somewhere between extremely late and exceedingly early that Jyn snaps out of her shallow sleep and frowns confused.  
  
Still sitting in the chair next to Cassian's bed, her body aching from being in the same position for hours, Jyn wonders what woke her up.  
Hope suddenly unfolds inside her chest like a bird spreading its wings and she leans forward to study Cassian's face.  
  
At first it seems like he's still sleeping, still beyond her reach, but then there is the slightest fluttering of his eyelashes and she holds her breath as he slowly opens his eyes a little.  
Tears fill Jyn's own eyes as she watches him blink sleepily, unable to keep his eyes open, and waits for him to focus on her.  
  
When he finally does, it's a bleary, barely there, look, but she still smiles through her tears and reaches out a hand to gently slide his bangs away with her fingertips. «Hey.» She whispers. “Welcome home.”  
  
His eyes closes again, but he manages the faintest of smiles before he is asleep once more.  
  
Hours pass before he opens his eyes again, but when she moves her hand down to brush the back of her fingers over his cheek; she can feel him lean every so lightly into her touch.  
  
It's only after that, she agrees to meet with Draven upon the soldiers return to the room.  
Cassian is still out of it when she leaves and she knows there will be made another assessment of his condition today which means she will have to leave the room anyway. So she leaves with a whispered promise that she'll be back.  
  
She is a little surprised to find that she's actually being brought in front of the Council again, but her mission remains the same. She tells them of what happened on Scarif, about the sacrifices made, the hard won victory and Jyn is proud at how even her voice sounds.  
She can't feel the pain of the loss yet, she reminds herself. Not yet.  
  
They ask her questions and she answers to the best of her abilities, even when they are stupid or pointless questions. She doesn't get angry, merely saves her energy for Cassian.  
They've done their part, it's up to the Alliance now.  
  
When she's finally allowed to leave, she heads back to Cassian as if on autopilot. She can feel eyes on her as she walks away, eyes filled with blame, admiration or contempt, but Jyn doesn't care. She just wants to hear what Cassian's condition is.  
  
Luck, or the Force, whichever one believed in, is on her side for once.  
As she is approaching the room, the doctor and two aids are coming out from there.

“How is he?” Jyn asks, stepping up to them.  
  
For a moment, they hesitate, she hates it when they do that as that usually means bad news, but eventually the doctor sighs. “He's not worse.”  
  
“That's not saying much.” Jyn replies.  
  
“The bacta is doing its work.” The doctor says. “But we need to be patient. Due to the time lapse between when he was wounded and when he got treatment, we might be looking at some nerve damage, but we won't know that for a while yet. His back is complicated due to an older injury that never got properly tended to. The skull fracture is healing nicely, but head injuries are always tricky...”  
  
Jyn swallows down the fear and nods. “Okay...” She forces herself to take a deep breath and nods again. “Okay...”

 

Walking into the room, she finds Cassian lying on the bed like before and for one horrifying moment; she can't tell if he is breathing or not. Raw fear claws at her and Jyn darts over to the bed, reaching out for him, but sees movement a second before her hands touches him.  
He is sleeping, not dead.  
  
Her heart is thundering in her chest, tears make her vision blurry and exhaustion covers her like an iron blanket.  
Jyn sinks down in the chair and covers her face with her hands.  
  
She eventually falls into a restless and broken sleep in the chair when the day has passed.  
  
It's in the middle of the night when she feels a light touch to her arm and she is surprised to find Cassian awake and looking at her. His dark eyes still shows clear signs of exhaustion in the dimly lighted room, but also concern.  
His fingers tugs lightly at her shirt before Cassian begins his effort to inch away from her with soft hisses of pain.  
It takes Jyn several seconds before she realizes what he means, what he is doing; making room for her.  
  
She doesn't object, merely crawls up on the bed, tries to take as little room as little by lying on her side on the very edge of the bed, her back towards him. But his fingers tugs at her shirt again and she relents; turning over and wrapping one arm around his arm closest to her and using it as a pillow. His arm feels solid in her grasp, his wiry strength relaxed against her, and she has to restrain herself from pressing her lips to it.  
  
Cassian is warm, smelling of soap, bacta and the scent of him.  
  
She can tell he wants her closer, wanting the comfort of her mere presence, but his injuries won't allow it. For now, this will have to be enough.  
At least, like this, they are both able to fall sleep properly.  
  
And when morning comes, the first thing Jyn sees when she opens her eyes is Cassian, asleep next to her. It makes her heart clench with a strange mix of relief and distress.  
She has always found him attractive, right from the start, even when she mostly felt like punching him in his attractive face, but the lines of pain by his eyes and his mouth makes her feel as helpless as when her parents were taken away from her.  
  
Maybe Jyn herself is a curse? She's blamed the Alliance and the Empire for what she's been put through, but maybe it was her?  
  
She presses her forehead against his arm and counts every breath he takes.

 

Later, when Cassian wakes up, his eyes remains open this time. He stares up at the ceiling while she looks at him.  
  
“The others?” He finally asks, voice hoarse and dry.  
  
Jyn shakes her head.  
  
Cassian's eyes flashes once again with pain, not a physical hurt this time, but he merely swallows and nods.  
  
Jyn is almost sick with relief that he didn't say their names or ask anything else about them.  
  
That day the doctor is carefully optimistic, but sternly realistic about the dangers of pushing things too fast. “You have to give your body time to recover, Captain.”  
  
Surprisingly, Cassian resigns himself to his fate and continues to sleep for much of that day. Jyn is content to watch him and not think, and when night comes; he moves over and makes room for her on the bed.  
Jyn doesn't hesitate. She gets on the bed, lies on her side, facing him, and rests her head on his bicep. He watches her for a long time, eyes soft and trusting, and she almost thinks they might get through this, somehow.  
  
Then morning comes, along with the news of Princess Leia in the hands of Darth Vader and that no one knows what happened to the Death Star plans.  
  
They are both stunned, but where Jyn feels like she can't breathe; Cassian shuts down completely.  
  
In the end, Jyn gives up talking to him and merely crawls into bed next to him. When he doesn't respond to that either, she rolls over on her side, her back towards him, and lulls herself into the blank silence of her mind.  
Moments pass, but then she feels him shift and curl up behind her, one arm sneaking around her waist to hold her close against him and his lips brushes by her ear when he finally speaks.  
  
“It can't be for nothing.” He whispers, not sounding like himself at all. “They can't have died for nothing.”  
  
She can taste the despair in his words because she feels it so keenly herself. Jyn places her hand over his and squeezes it hard. There is nothing she can say.  
Cassian shivers, his entire body trembles hard, but he remains silent as well, he just hides his face to her hair and keeps shivering.  
  
The next day has soldiers appearing and asking Jyn to follow them to another meeting with the Council. She hesitates and glances at Cassian, but he is either asleep or pretends to be, she can't tell. In the end, she goes with them, knowing the doctor would probably be there soon to check up on Cassian anyway.  
  
There is nothing new she can tell them, these semi-leaders who now have no choice but to fight as the Empire is now out to destroy them all, yet they keep prodding and prying. She withstands as much as she can, but once someone mentions the name of the Imperial pilot who defected; Jyn walks out and heads to her own room. Once there, she barely reaches the refresher before she throws up and is trembling as bad as Cassian had the night before.  
  
It takes some time for her to reclaim her numbness, but once she does; she splashes some cold water in her face, avoids looking at her own reflection and returns to the hospital wing.

 

Cassian's bed is empty.  
  
Jyn feels a stab of panic at the sight. She shouldn't have left him! A voice inside her head is screaming that he's dead because she left him.  
It takes all her strength to remain calm and find someone to ask what had happened.  
A nurse informs her that, against the doctor's orders, Captain Andor had left by his own will, claiming he was healed enough, and there was nothing they could have done to stop him.  
Jyn clenches her jaw briefly, wanting to point out that they should have tranq'ed him rather than let him leave, but she merely nods and goes looking for him.  
  
He's not in his room, not in the ship hangar or among the other pilots, but eventually she tracks him down to Draven's office. She's not allowed inside, but the guards informs her that Captain Andor is indeed there and aiding in planning a mission to retrieve the Death Star plans.  
  
Jyn feels a flicker of anger. She wants to kick in the door, she wants to scream, but in the end; she does neither. Jyn merely turns on her heel and walks away.  
  
To continue to keep herself from thinking, she ends up in the training room and sparring with other soldiers. She fights until her body is so exhausted that she can't keep her hands up and is barely able to walk, but even then, as night engulfs Yavin 4, she can't sleep.  
  
Jyn is surprised when someone knocks on the door to her quarters in the middle of the night, but she knows who it is long before she opens the door.  
  
Despite how he has made an effort to shave, keeping only the amount of scruff he'd had when she originally met him, and tame his hair, Cassian is looking every bit as exhausted and torn as she feels. “I can't sleep.” He says, simply.  
  
Jyn does not reply, not with words, she merely looks at him for a while, then she steps back, leaving the door open for him to enter, and heads back to her bed.  
  
He follows.  
  
She also can't help but to notice that he's prominently limping on his right leg, how he holds his breath to deal with the pain as he removes his boots and gets into bed next to her. He curls up against her, his chest to her back, and sneaks an arm around her.  
  
She can feel him breathing, sense how warm and real and alive he is.  
Jyn takes a hold of his hand, the one he has against her belly, and she spends a long time running her fingers over his.  
His hands are capable of such violence, they have taken oh so many lives, yet she knows they want to touch her like she's fragile.  
  
Maybe she is.  
  
She feels fragile like glass, as if she could shatter at any moment; turn into a thousand sharp pieces that would cut him deep and make him bleed.  
  
Strangely enough, they both find sleep.

 

Jyn joins him when he heads back to the medical wing for a check up the next morning. A flutter of relief at the doctor proclaiming the healing had not been disturbed and was progressing nicely only lasts until they have stepped into the hallway and Cassian tells her that he's leaving on a mission.  
  
“What?” Jyn freezes and glares up at him, blocking his way.  
  
Cassian avoids her eyes for a moment. He doesn't want to fight with her. “There is an informant. An imperial lackey who claims to know the location of the plans.”  
  
“Why you?” Jyn asks. Surely not even Draven is foolish enough to send an injured man on a mission?  
  
“After... Scarif, we're spread thin.” Cassian answers before he finally looks at her, apologetically. He knows he's everything she has left, damn him! “I can do this, Jyn.”  
  
She knows she can't change his mind. Cassian does whatever his conscience demands of him, as he so clearly proved when he persuaded... others to go... there... “Fine.” Jyn clips, turning on her heel and walking away.  
She can feel his gaze on her back as she leaves, but he doesn't call out her name or ask her to stop.  
  
Cassian doesn't tell her goodbye either once the time has come for him to leave, not that she expected him to, but that does give her a faint sense of satisfaction at the surprise on his face when she's already by his ship and throwing her bag inside.  
  
“I'm coming with you.” She states before he can say anything.  
  
Draven is one step behind Cassian. Draven's nostrils flare like he's an angry animal. “What do you think you're doing, Erso? This is a top secret mission.”  
  
Jyn ignores Cassian and instead moves over to glare up at Draven with cold determination in her eyes. “He's not in any shape for you to send him out on a jog, much less on a mission, and you know it. You want to stop me from going with him?” She is tiny compared to the furious man, but Jyn is radiating a deadly calm. “You're going to have to shoot me.”  
  
She means it.  
  
“Jyn.” Cassian objects, placing a hand on her shoulder, but she doesn't take her eyes off Draven.  
  
The general finally relents and breaks eye contact with a huff. “Fine. Captain Andor, she's your responsibility. Remember your mission, this time.”  
  
Cassian nods, but the second Draven walks away, he moves in front of Jyn and stares at her like she's the one who has lost her mind. “What do you think you're doing?”  
  
Instead of answering, Jyn slips by him and climbs inside the ship.  
  
Cassian hesitates, but he knows he's as unable to stop her from coming along as she is to stop him from going in the first place, and after a heavy sigh; he enters the ship as well and begins explaining the plan while preparing the craft for take off.

 

It is a two day journey to the planet where they are meeting the informant. They don't talk much and the silence swings back and forth between a comfortable and companionable thing between them and a suffocating void threatening to strangle them both whenever some name was almost mentioned by accident amidst mindless talk.  
  
The ship is small, but there is room for two to sleep with a modest distance between them.  
They sleep entwined on a single bed-roll, finding comfort in each others warmth and Jyn allows herself to watch Cassian sleep once more.  
  
Even in his sleep, he looks guilty as well as pained. She knows he carries with him every name of the rebels who did not make it off Scarif and wonders if the faces of the ones that joined him are the ones who keeps him up at nights like her own ghosts do to her.  
  
Jyn battles against the urge to touch his lips with her fingers as she remembers looking at him after they had gotten clearance to go through the gate at Scarif. She remembers looking at him and wanting to kiss him.  
She remembers wondering what it would feel like.  
Suddenly Jyn is on the verge of crying and she ducks down to hide her face against Cassian's chest, unable to look at him and not wail. It unnerves her how quickly her eyes fills up with tears recently.  
  
Later, when he wakes and untangles from her, she doesn't say anything. There is nothing to say.  
  
“Do you ever feel guilty that we survived?” He does ask her once they are almost close enough to land.  
  
“Did we?” Jyn replies, pulling on her jacket and preparing her blaster.  
  
Cassian is quiet for a long time where he sits in the pilot seat, but then the ship touches ground and he unbuckles and joins her. His gaze rests on her for a bit and she senses that he wants to reach out and touch her, but his hands remains by his sides.  
  
When they leave the ship, Jyn is struck with how little she wants to be there. She's always been uncomfortable in big crowds, but now every sound feels like needles in her brain.  
Cassian has a pinched look on his face as well.  
She wants to ask him if he regrets following her to Scarif, but she's afraid of what he'd might answer.  
  
They move further into the crowd to meet up with their informant.  
Cassian's body might be injured, but his mind is as sharp as ever and it doesn't take long for him to track down the meeting place and finding their contact.  
  
Unfortunately it takes even less time to discover that the informant has nothing to tell them that they don't already know and once he realizes that he won't get paid; the shooting starts.  
  
Jyn is not surprised, but she is angry. She fires back at the imperial bastard, trying to place herself between him and Cassian, but she knows it is only a matter of minutes before the storm troopers will be upon them. She's right. It takes them two and a half minute, actually.  
  
Retreating back to the ship takes longer than she likes, partially because Cassian is slower than usual due to his limp, but mostly because he keeps stopping to fire at the troopers.  
Jyn grits her teeth, finishing off one trooper after another, trying to remain calm even as Cassian doesn't take cover from a barrage but stands his ground and is rewarded by a blaster-shot grazing his ribs and burning his jacket.  
She grabs his arm and shoves him towards the ship, fires her blaster a final time and then follows him inside. She barely manages to grab a hold of a pipe to keep from falling once they take off.

 

“We're good. They're not following.” Cassian tugs off his headset, plugs in some final data for their return course and heads back to join Jyn.  
  
He's barely left the cockpit before Jyn crowds up against him and gives a hard push at his shoulder. “What the hell were you thinking?”  
  
Almost forced to take a step backwards, Cassian frowns. “What are you talking about?”  
  
“That stunt you pulled back there, what were you thinking?” Jyn is unable to hold back her anger. It's devouring her whole. The idea of how close she got to losing him, it's unbearable! She's shaking with rage. “That guy would have killed you! And then you start picking a fight with a whole squadron of Storm Troopers?”  
She pushes at him again.  
  
This time Cassian is forced to take a step backwards and he lifts a calming hand. “Jyn...”  
  
“It won't help, you know!” Jyn can't stop. She might be screaming, she doesn't know any more. “You dying, it won't change a thing. It won't bring them back!”  
  
That. That finally brings a reaction from him. She can see a flare of anger in his dark eyes.  
  
“Jyn.” There is a warning in his voice now. A strain in his jaw.  
  
“They're gone!” She is thrumming with unreleased tension. She's definitely yelling at this point.“They're dead! They're all dead!”  
  
He lurches forward, towering over her, but she doesn't back away. She welcomes his anger; craves it! Her own fury feeds on it and demands more.  
Jyn secures his face between her hands and yanks him down as she leans up and they meet in a harsh kiss.  
  
For a half a heartbeat, Cassian hesitates, slightly sobered by the sensation of her lips against his, but she slides one hand into his hair, grabs a tight grip and bites at his lower lip. It brings a sound from deep in his chest and he's suddenly the one to lean into her so firmly that she has to back up.  
Jyn is forced to keep backing until her hips smacks into the edge of the communication console and she can go further.  
  
Cassian's not the tallest or buffest guy she's ever been with, but pushed up against her; she can feel how he is all lean muscle and she _knows_ how deadly he can be. Rabid want jabs in her lower belly and she's consumed by its fire.  
  
She jumps up to sit on the console, ignoring how uncomfortable it is, not letting go of his lips for one second. It's more of a fight than kissing, really. Pushing and shoving and not giving in.  
At the feeling of her legs wrapping around his waist, Cassian makes a half-choked sound and deepens the kiss like he has every right to invade her mouth with his dangerously talented tongue.  
Jyn's entire body shudders with desire at the sensation and she fights back by rolling her hips against his; making _him_ shudder and gasp against her open mouth.

 

Kissing and grinding against each other, it doesn't take long before Jyn reaches down to start unbuckling his belt.  
  
“Jyn...” Cassian pants against her lips, even as his hips bucks against her touch, “Wait. Are you...”  
  
But she doesn't want to wait. She doesn't want to talk! So Jyn places her mouth where his shoulder meets his neck and bites down hard.  
  
Cassian growls at the pain, flinching, but then his hands go to her belt. Jyn lifts her hips to help him slide her pants down before she sneaks her own hands into his pants and finds the hardness she wants. She loves how he feels in her hands and how he trembles at her touch.  
Jyn forces away the thousand thoughts lingering at the edge of her own mind. Instead she urges him on not, too kindly. When he gives in, when he pushes into her, it hurts a bit and it is perfect. She craves the pain. She wants to feel, not think!  
  
He doesn't really wait for her to adjust, merely starts moving, and she continues to spur him on.  
It's almost as if she's not in her own body, she needs everything stronger and harder to be sure it's real.  
  
They are beyond any real kissing now, instead Jyn heaves for air against his neck and feels her already tense body grow even tenser. She's so wound up it's close to torture. She keens with frustration.  
  
Cassian pushes against her, into her, so roughly he's almost forcing the breath out of her on every thrust. She'll have bruises from both him and the console, yet Jyn kicks her heels at the back of his thighs and pulls at his hair for him to continue. She bites at his neck, once, twice, lets her fingers dig into his back, claws at him, until he arches his back a little and sneaks a hand between them.  
  
Jyn is so wound up that she doesn't understand what he's aiming for, but then his thumb pushes down on her sweet spot and that's it; her entire body explodes without warning.  
She jerks as if given an electric shock, can feel herself clenching down hard on him as her orgasm washes over her, and she only distantly registers how that makes him buck and shudder against her with a surprised groan as well.  
  
Jyn can't breathe, can't think, can merely feel as the pulses washes through her. Her body and her instincts take over. It's a sweet ignorant bliss that she never wants to end. But of course it does...  
  
It is only once her euphoria is slowly easing down into soft, shuddering clutches that she realizes that Cassian is now slumped against her, panting softly and hiding his face to her neck. He gives the occasional shudder as she draws the final drops from him with the echoes of her release.  
  
Jyn tries to calm her own breathing, equally dazed from her release, but her mind is quickly catching up with her body and what has just happened. She can feel herself starting to crack.  
Within seconds her eyes are flooding with tears. Jyn bites back a sob and slowly lifts a hand to gently cradle Cassian's neck in an unspoken apology.  
  
This was not how it was supposed to happen between them. This wasn't them. What has she done...?  
  
“I can't let it have been in vain...” Cassian suddenly whispers, sounding as devastated as she feels. “I just... I can't let them have died for nothing.”  
  
Jyn moves to wrap her arms around him, holding him close, and when she can feel his arms go around her as well; she shatters to pieces with a tortured cry.  
  
And Cassian's heart bleeds as he catches her and her tears.


	2. Chapter 2

When the sobs quiet down and silence fills its place, they discover that untangling and getting dressed afterwards is as awkward as it usually is. They have barely removed the minimal amount of clothing needed.  
  
A faint voice in the back of Jyn's head laments that she will probably never get to touch and enjoy Cassian's bare skin against hers. Not after this.  
  
When Jyn sees the bruises on Cassian's neck as he adjusts his shirt; she almost breaks down crying again. Like the rest of the universe, she had hurt him. And he hadn't even been surprised.  
  
“I'm sorry.” She whispers. With the anger and the desire gone, she just feels tired. So very tired.  
  
He glances over at her, looking a little confused as to what she was apologizing for, so she vaguely points to her own neck. He automatically lifts a hand of his own to cover the marks with his palm. “Don't worry about it.” He says, even managing a faint smile.  
  
Jyn feels where his scruffy chin has rubbed the skin on her neck raw, the echo of his fingers on her hips and most definitely feels where he's been between her legs, but these are the kind of memories she doesn't mind. Jyn knows there was nothing nice about the marks on his neck and she suspects his shoulders are marked by her nails, and that was not including the pain he had to be in from straining his body this much while still injured.  
The worst part is how there is no blame in his eyes. Just soft resignation and adoration.  
  
“Cassian, I _am_ sorry.” Jyn sinks down to sit on a seat by the wall, looking up at him. “I just...” She hesitates, doesn't know how to formulate her words, ends up looking at the empty cockpit. “Do you miss K-2?”  
  
Blinking surprised, Cassian hesitates as well. They've never spoken about K-2 after Scarif. They've never talked about anyone. He draws a hand through his hair, taming it a little where Jyn has caused chaos. “I guess...” He shifts his weight with a discrete flinch of pain. “I'd gotten used to his comments. I mean, he was a 'droid and he'd been programmed to obey, so it wasn't like he was a friend or anything, but...” No matter how much he tries to sound like a professional soldier, there is no mistaking the sorrow in his eyes.  
  
Jyn nods, pretending she doesn't see his true feelings on the subject, and prods at her own festering wound. “I know I didn't know them very long, but I do miss Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze.” Just saying their names, finally, makes it feel like a knife is twisting inside her heart. “I can hear someone talking in a particular way and I look around for Bodhi. I hear a laugh and I'm sure it's Baze. Every time I have to remind myself that they're gone too.” She manages a sad smile. “I sometimes wonder if I'm a curse. Maybe that's why everyone around me always ends up dead.”  
  
“I'm still here.” Cassian states quietly. “I'm not dead.”  
  
“Not for lack of trying.” Jyn sniffles with a faint laugh. “Your back is basically broken and yet you run off on a spy mission.”  
  
Cassian limps over and sinks down on the seat next to her with a pained grunt. He then looks over at her and it feels like he's looking into her soul. “The battle on Scarif would not have happened if not for me. K2, Baze, Chirrut, Bodhi, Melshi, Pao, Tonc, Merrick, they all died because of me. Ok? And with the Death Star plans now in the hands of the Empire, they did not only die because of me, their sacrifice doesn't even mean anything. I can't bring them back, but I _can_ make sure they did not die for nothing. I have to get those plans back, Jyn.”  
  
Marvelling at how one single man was able to carry so much weight on his shoulders and still go on, Jyn leans her head on Cassian's shoulder and sighs. “You didn't kill them, Cassian. We can play the Blame Game, you and me, back and forth, which one of us is the guilty party, but we both know these were brave soldiers who could make the decision for themselves. Don't take that away from them.”  
  
Cassian frowns, unhappy but unable to counter her argument.  
  
Jyn sneaks her arm around his in a conciliatory gesture. “It hurts so much that they're gone, Cassian. It hurts so much that I can barely breathe at times. But we're just going to have to live with it, I suppose. No matter how much it hurts or how guilty we feel. They'd tell us to go on.” She pauses before pressing on. “But I do understand why you want to go after the plans. You know I do. Those plans are the one link to my father's ultimate rebellion and I know _you_ understand how much that means to me. But you're injured, Cassian, and taking on missions in this condition puts both you and the Alliance in danger. What if you're caught? You need to rest and you know it.”  
  
“And you?” Cassian asks. “What are you planning to do once we get back?”  
  
“First,” Jyn says, “I'm going to Draven and tell him that he's an idiot for sending you out on a mission when you're injured and how he nearly got you killed. Then, I'm going to try to talk some sense into a handsome Captain I know to not go on any more suicide missions.”  
  
She hears the soft huff of a laughter, feels Cassian rest his chin on top of her hair, and hopes he will consider her words.

 

They sleep for the most of the journey back. They're both exhausted and their bodies are desperate for rest. Strangely enough, Jyn feels both better and worse than before.  
  
When they do get back to Yavin 4, Jyn keeps her promise. She more or less drags Cassian to the medical wing so they can do a proper check on him and see if the journey has caused any lasting damage. And while he is being swarmed by medical staff; Jyn stalks off to find Draven.  
  
He is not happy with the news she comes bearing, but he actually seems a little unsettled when she tells him that he can't send Cassian out again.  
  
“Listen here, girl, you don't get to give me orders.”  
  
Jyn shakes her head a little. “Maybe not, but I'm telling you; you can't send him back out there. If you ask him, he will go, and you know that, but you've seen his medical file. His old injury combined with the ones from Scarif, it will only take a fraction of bad luck, and he'll be out of commission for good, either as a corpse or a cripple.”  
  
Draven looks away.  
  
“Let him heal.” Jyn says. “He's earned it.”  
  
Time passes without Draven uttering a word or even looking at her and Jyn is about to get angry when he finally speaks.  
  
“Two weeks, that's all I can give you.” Draven turns his gaze back to her. “Take a ship, find some place quiet and report in after maximum two weeks. Preferably earlier. Understood?”  
  
Jyn nods. Ten days. It's not much, but it might just be enough. And she's even a little impressed that the general knows Cassian can't be on Yavin 4 and see others go out on missions without reporting for duty himself. “Two weeks.” Jyn turns to leave but pauses briefly in the doorway. “Thank you.”  
  
Draven watches her as she does leave, absently placing his hand on a file on his desk. He wonders if he did the right thing about not telling them about Alderaan falling victim to the Death Star, the news cannot be kept hidden for long, but if they were told now; they'd stay and fight, and despite what young Miss Erso might think; he doesn't enjoy watching soldiers die in vain.  
No, they had done their part. Now he had to put his faith in his other soldiers, Leia and the Jedis.

 

“How did it go?” Cassian asks, sitting up in his hospital bed as Jyn enters the room.  
  
“You first.” She replies, claiming the chair next to the bed. She sees he's been made to remove his shirt and his torso is wrapped up with bacta bandages again.  
  
Cassian shrugs. “It's not so bad. Just need a little healing boost to get back on schedule.” He sticks his chin out. “Now you. What happened?”  
  
Jyn leans back in the chair, making a mental note to speak with the doctor to get the facts, but for now she gets to act nonchalant. “He agreed.”  
  
Cassian blinks as if she'd thrown a glass of cold water in his face. “What?”  
  
Jyn straightens and loses the battle against a laugh. “General Draven agrees. You need time to heal. We're officially off duty for two weeks. Oh, and he gave us a ship too, as he knows you can't be trusted.”  
  
Cassian smiles a little and he shakes his head without meeting her eyes. “Jyn... I can't. Trust me, I wouldn't mind two weeks with you, once the war is over you might have to use a blaster to keep me away, but I can't abandon them now. We've lost too many people. I'm needed here.”  
  
Jyn leans forward, making him meet her eyes. “Ten days.” She says. “That's two weeks. Give me two weeks. After that, we both come back and we both continue the fight. Surely the Alliance isn't so fragile that ten days without Captain Andor would cause it to collapse?”  
  
He hesitates. He's tempted, she can tell, but Cassian has been a soldier for so long that she suspects he's just remembering how to be human.  
  
Jyn reaches out and places her hand over his. “We are not quitting. The Empire will be brought down. We just need to do some maintenance, otherwise we won't be any use to anyone. I promise you, Cassian, I'm in the fight too now and we will make the Empire pay for what they've done.”  
  
There is a silence, then his hand turns and his fingers slowly close around hers. “Okay.” He whispers.  
  
“Okay?” She echoes, hardly daring to believe.  
  
“Okay.” Cassian repeats and gives a nod. “We'll go.”  
  
Jyn nods as well, hating how her eyes are getting misty with tears of relief so she bends over to place a lingering kiss on his fingers. He places his other hand on her head and strokes her hair.

 

As promised, Draven assigns them a ship. It's a small one, dented and ugly, old and of little use, but Jyn doesn't care. It can get them to their destination.  
She carries their bags with light steps towards it, while Cassian limps after her, muttering and grumbling that he is perfectly capable of carrying his own bag.  
  
After talking to the doctors and confirming that his injuries had not worsened beyond repair after their failed mission, Jyn was warned that Cassian's current condition was far from satisfactory. His old injury was still complicating matters. So she was going to take no chances!  
  
“How about less complaining and just getting on the ship, Captain?” Jyn snipes almost cheerfully, tossing their bags in the ship. She gestures towards the door and salutes him as Cassian approaches.  
  
He halts next to her and leans closer to hover over her with a cranky look. “You are enjoying this, aren't you? I'm warning you, Jyn; I'm not above pettiness when it comes to revenge.”  
  
Jyn sends him her most wide eyed look of faked innocence. “Bring it, Cassian. Whatever you got, I can take it.”  
  
For a moment, Cassian's gaze wanders over her and he makes a thoughtful sound before focusing on her eyes again. “I remember.”  
  
Now Jyn is the one who is lost for words for a moment. She has an unbidden flashback of his mouth on her neck, the addictive taste of his sweat on her tongue, her wrapping her legs around his waist. And following that is a mix of lust and shame.  
She swallows hard, once again hit by the urge to place her fingertips to his mouth so she can trace his lips with them, while telling him that she didn't mean to be that harsh back then. She's just messed up at the moment and doesn't know how to deal with it.  
  
Before she can say or do anything, Cassian's expression softens and he smiles.  
  
He knows, she realizes. He understands.  
  
Relief hits her like a blaster and she can feel herself returning his smile. “Then get your ass on board, Captain.”  
  
Cassian leans closer, dangerously close, and murmurs; “Yes, ma’am.”  
  
She shudders with delight, but he merely straightens with a smug look and gets in the ship.  
“Where are we going anyway?” He asks.  
  
Jyn forces herself to focus and follows him inside. “It's a surprise.”  
  
“I don't like surprises.” Cassian grumbles, buckling up in the pilot seat. “Surprises usually gets you killed in my line of work.”  
  
“I'm hoping you'll like this one.” Jyn states absently, pushing the button to close the door before moving up and settling into the co-pilot seat. She then plugs in the first sets of coordinates and prepares for the journey.

 

When the ship lands and Cassian steps out on the fertile dark soil and looks around at the lush green surroundings, Jyn holds her breath.  
She's home.  
  
Cassian glances back her, curious. “Lah'mu. This was your home once.”  
  
Jyn nods and steps out of the ship to join him. “I have my best memories from here.” From the time when they were a family and things were good. It's a bitter-sweet feeling.  
Sensing her pain, Cassian places a tentative arm around her shoulders to offer her comfort and support. She leans into it and him.  
  
The house where she'd lived with her parents is still there. It's a mess, worn down and in desperate need of repair, but it's habitable for two people who have survived much worse conditions.  
It gives them something to do for the first couple of days.  
  
Sleep still won't come easy to them. Cassian tried to do the noble thing of claiming her parents bedroom instead of joining her in hers for the first night, but when she finds him roaming restlessly through the house; Jyn insists on him sleeping next to her. It wasn't like she was able to sleep without him near anyway.  
  
She discovers that Cassian loves cooking, can spend hours in the kitchen and he's damn good at it too! He then tries and fails to hide his surprise at discovering that Jyn is quite handy with a needle and she finds it soothing when she can spend an evening repairing a tear in his jacket or whatever is in need of mending.  
  
Every evening Jyn will wrap Cassian's torso up in new bacta bandages and she is relieved when he's limping less and some of the pain lines surrounding his eyes eases up. The physical hurt is healing.  
  
Then there are the moments when one of them will get a distant look, touched by the ghost of a painful memory, but the other understands and while it doesn't make the guilt or the pain go away, it makes it a little easier to live with.  
  
One late afternoon Jyn is lying on her back in the field and looking up at Cassian, who is next to her as usual, now on his side and supporting his head in his hand. He gazes down at her with a mirthful and affectionate look after her story about her losing her favourite toy in her father's vegetable patch, and in that moment she realizes with a pang that she loves him.  
  
His eyes tells her he feels the same way.  
  
Jyn reaches out and places her hand on his shoulder and urges him down and into a kiss.  
Unlike their first kiss, this one is as soft and sweet as she'd imagined it would be. His lips brushes briefly by hers before they come back for a firmer touch and they move to fit hers to perfection.  
It's unhurried and gentle. Neither of them aim to push things further, both content to engage in a small eternity of kissing. Exploring. Feeling.  
  
They do everything from sweet, chaste kisses that involve nothing but the faintest of contact between their lips to lazy, deep kisses that leaves them both with a low burn of want.  
  
She finally lets her fingertips touch him. She trails them along his jawline, his lips, brushes them by where his nose has been broken and is thrilled when she can slide them through his silky hair. Her hair is as wild and complicated as she is, but Cassian's hair is always silky and smooth.  
  
He is so damn beautiful, she thinks, and as if he can hear her thoughts; Cassian gives a small and embarrassed smile before he suddenly decides to do a little exploring himself.  
  
Jyn flushes a little when he returns the favour and like she suspected; he touches her like she's fragile. His fingers briefly replaces his lips against hers and he openly admires the full lips that she's always hated about herself. (Now she finds she doesn't mind them if they make Cassian Andor look at her like that.) His hands may be calloused, but his touch is light as a butterfly's wings to her skin. He follows the curve of her cheekbone, draws a finger by her brow and brushes a rebellious lock of hair away from her face.  
  
And they continue kissing until their bellies clamour for food and a creeping chill in the air forces them back to her childhood home. Yet, even as they are walking, close enough for their arms to brush against each other from time to time, all Jyn can think about is when she'll be allowed to kiss him again.

 

She doesn't have to wait long. When evening falls and they curl up on their sleeping mat, she reaches out and touches his chin and he stills with a hopeful look on his face.  
  
They are lying on their sides, facing each other, and all she has to do is lean forward and then they are kissing again. Just kissing. And they keep kissing for a long long time.  
  
When morning comes, Cassian sleepily nuzzles her neck and places a gentle kiss to her temple, and Jyn has to hug him close when she sees how he's half expecting her to deny him this simple thing. Cassian is not used to getting what he wishes for. He's not used to experiencing gentle things.  
  
Neither is she.  
  
They are learning this together and Jyn is surprised to find that she likes how it feels. She hasn't trusted anyone enough to lower her defences since she was a child, Saw taught her better than that, but now Cassian has both her heart and her trust and it doesn't scare her. She knows she has his in return.  
  
That certainty makes it easy to compliment Cassian on his food after dinner and then smother his modest objections to her praise with more kisses. It feels so sweet and so natural that she can't stop.  
He, on the other hand, has to work up a little courage to act, so she is pleasantly surprised when the time comes and he traps her against the living room wall and nudges her face up to steal kisses.  
Jyn doesn't want to think about how he's constantly expecting her to reject him. He lost everything as a child, like her, but she's determined that he's not going to lose her.  
  
They continued with the sweet, unhurried kisses as if to make up for their rough and damaged tryst after the failed mission, but one evening Cassian, probably acting on instinct more than conscious thought, tightens his grip where he has his hand on her hip and pulls her against him.  
Feeling him half-hard is a stark contrast to how she's already aching for him, has been for at least two days now, but it is enough to make her give a soft gasp against his lips.  
  
Cassian removes his hand as if the touch hurt him, closes his eyes hard and begins to pull away from her. “Sorry. I didn't...”  
  
“Only apologize if you didn't mean that.” Jyn breathes, leaning after him and reclaiming his lips.  
  
Cassian groans, his hand moving back to grip her hip and he pulls her close once more. “Jyn...”  
  
“Yes.” She answers, sliding a leg over his and rolling her hips against him. “Cassian, come on.”  
  
A shudder goes through his body, then he surges against her, pushes her over to lie on her back and she eagerly tugs him along to lie on top of her. Just the feeling of him settling between her thighs makes her whine, she never whines, and he smiles against her neck when she tugs at his shirt; wanting it off.  
He obliges.  
  
She's greedy, impatient, but forces herself to take it slow. She savours the sensation of his warm skin under her hands, how the sleek muscles in his back dances as he moves, and she makes a mental note to lick every scar she can feel under her touch. He's just too damn beautiful in every way possible! She wants to mark all of him, visible and invisible statements of ownership. Property of Jyn Erso.  
  
Jyn is so busy exploring, feeling, that she's only absently aware of Cassian removing clothes and baring her torso as well. She hasn't been undressed for a man in ages, there hasn't really been time for it or need for it, but when Cassian inches down and his warm and sinfully wet mouth covers one of her nipples; Jyn arches and moans and feels her need for him reach the limit of what her patience can stand.  
She can tell from his strained breathing and the tension in his muscles that he's eager for her as well.  
  
Cassian moves further down, opens her pants and she lifts her hips to help him pull them and her underwear down.  
  
Tossing the clothes aside, he is kneeling between her thighs. Cassian's eyes are now almost entirely black, the brown colour swallowed up by the dilated pupils, and his lips part with mute lust.  
His hands grips her hips and there is only the faintest hitch in his breath that reveals a jab of pain from his back as he arches down and kisses his way down her belly.  
  
That's when she reaches out and stops him.

 

When her hands cup his face and makes him look up at her, Cassian looks both uncertain and a little disappointed. “No?”  
  
Jyn shivers and struggles to find her voice. “Next time.” She wants him too much and she doesn't want to hurt him again. “Next time.”  
  
Cassian doesn't object when she sits up and pushes for him to lie down on his back; he merely obeys and stops breathing for a while when she undoes his pants and removes them.  
It was impossible to say which of them makes the hungry sigh when she finally gets her hands on his lovely cock, but Jyn knows that she needs him inside her. Now.  
They've been doing foreplay for days, all that kissing and innocent petting, now that they have finally arrived at this point; she doesn't want to wait any longer.  
  
She moves up and straddles his waist, his hands grasp her hips, and she holds his gaze as she hovers with him at her entrance. “Yes?”  
  
Cassian nods, unable to speak, unknowingly digging his fingers into her skin and urging her to sink down on him.  
  
She does.  
  
Jyn sees his eyes drift shut in one pleasure-overloaded moment before her own do the same. His hard, perfect size pushing into her, filling her, makes her lift her face to the ceiling and let out a long breath with a touch of voice at the end.  
  
One heartbeat passed, two, then she feels Cassian's fingers tug at her again.  
She opens her eyes and looks down to find him gazing at her, lost and found, and she starts to move.  
  
For once, Jyn moves slowly. She rolls her hips, clenches her muscles down on him, places her hands on his chest and rides him like they got all the time in the universe.  
  
Cassian fights to make it last. He reaches a hand up to her breast, caresses her nipple, places the other behind her neck and pulls her down while leaning up into a couple of breathless kisses before slumping back down again with a groan when she squeezes him inside her.  
  
Jyn feels a drop of sweat trail down her back, sees his skin shining with sweat as well, and it just keeps getting warmer.  
  
She forces her hips to keep rolling, even as she can feel herself wound up tight enough to scream.  
This feels so good, so right, this was how it was supposed to be between them.  
Cassian seems as spellbound as she is and it makes her heart ache with love for him.  
  
So she continues to move, runs her hands over his torso, touch his mouth with her fingers and then her lips. He's all sleek muscle, scars and heat. He's all hers.  
  
Cassian pulls her closer and she acquiesces, helping when he rolls them over and lies back when he's on top and moves against her.  
This position gives her more freedom to tease him, her hands grasping his lovely behind and urging him on, and she lets out a breathy laugh at his shaky groan to her neck before her laugh turns into a moan when he increases the strength in his thrusts.  
  
Oh, that tips them over into another territory. It goes from enjoying the moment to building up to the completion.  
  
She kisses his lips, his jawline, bites lightly at his neck and shoulder. She grips a handful of his hair by his neck, draws her fingers down his back, grasps his biceps and holds on.  
  
It's building up now.  
  
Usually men would just be chasing their own release, but Cassian sneaks his hand between them as he arches his back and his clever fingers find the right spots.  
  
Jyn would forever blame the days of Cassian kissing her and not going any further for how easily she tipped over the edge. He only had to keep moving, use those agile fingers to push and rub, and there she went!  
  
Her entire body clenches up tight, her inner muscles massages him mercilessly and she hears Cassian gasp a curse in a language she doesn't understand. Sweet waves of release flows through her, again and again, as Cassian keeps moving. She is shaking and shuddering in mindless bliss.  
  
Jyn isn't even aware of the keening sound emerging from her throat or how her legs had locked around him to keep him there, but eventually it begins to ease down and it becomes too much.

 

Her body goes soft and she has to place a hand to Cassian's chest to signal him to stop.  
  
He goes still the second she does and Jyn slides her hand up to his neck, pulling him down to show her appreciation by resting her forehead to his. They are both too breathless to try any kissing and are merely panting against the other's lips.  
She can feel how tense he is, still unsatisfied, and it only takes a moment for her to regain her senses so she can repay the favour. Jyn unlocks her legs, pushes at him to move over on his back and he does.  
  
Jyn doesn't hesitate to follow and Cassian sounds like he's in pain when she takes him inside again and rolls her hips with firm determination. His hands goes back to gripping her hips and he guides her movements.  
  
He needs it a little harder now, faster, and she is the one who obliges him this time.  
  
Cassian doesn't take his eyes off her as he lets himself hunt for his own pleasure and Jyn holds his gaze.  
  
When his movements begin to stutter, becomes erratic, she pushes on and is finally rewarded with seeing him break.  
He's even more beautiful when raw ecstasy floods through him. Jyn even shudders a little with satisfaction when she feels the first heat rush out of him and then Cassian is the one who shudders as his body moves with the primal urge to push deep and stay there as she drains him dry.  
  
He is all tension, drawn tight as bow, pulsating several more times, until he slumps and lies heaving for air; softening and numb with hazy satisfaction.  
  
Jyn allows him a few more breaths before she leans down and steals a couple of soft kisses.  
Cassian weakly lifts a hand to draw his fingers through her hair while their lips brush and when she gingerly lifts herself off and settles next to him; he urges her into his embrace.  
  
They are both exhausted, satisfied and yet; they can't stop touching or kissing.  
  
Maybe they were trying to make up for all that they had missed out on earlier in their lives? Jyn had never seen the point of hanging around after she'd gotten what she'd wanted, or after being pushed into something she didn't want, but now there was no other place she'd rather be.  
Sweaty, sticky and hypersensitive, she still savours being close to Cassian and he seems to be feeling the same way.  
  
It's only when they've finally calmed down and gone from kissing and caressing to merely resting that they talk.  
  
“Next time?” Cassian says.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You said; next time.” He hesitates. “There will be a next time?”  
  
Jyn snorts a laugh. “Most definitely. Unless you've had enough of me?”  
  
Cassian hugs her closer with a possessive stubbornness. “Next time.” He states with firm determination.  
  
Jyn giggles. She hasn't giggled since she was four years old! Yet, here she places her hands over his and giggles.  
  
And for a while, they are happy.  
  
They spend their days on Lah'mu fixing the buildings, eating too much of Cassian's food and having sex at any moment they feel like it. They are learning about each other, mind, body and soul, and Jyn can't breathe when it is all over.  
  
The day comes when they must return to the war.  
  
Cassian hesitates after he's closed his bag. He doesn't move for several seconds, but eventually he glances over at Jyn. “We will come back here, yeah? Once the war is over, once we've won, we will come back.”  
  
Jyn tries to smile but fails. She knows how small the odds are for one of them surviving, much less the both of them. “Yeah.”  
  
Cassian walks over to her and takes her face between his hands, meeting her gaze evenly. “We have to hope.”  
  
She wants to hate him for not being a coward. She wants to yell at him for being unable to turn his back on the war. But she knows she's no longer able to ignore the Empire's flag any more either. “Rebellions are built on hope.” She confirms in a tear-filled whisper.  
  
Cassian nods, caressing her skin with his thumb. “So are futures.”  
  
So they leave Lah'mu.  
  
And they hope.


End file.
